Chiang Mai Pt. 2

So what rounds out a day in Thailand where your wife tried to kill you via elephant and you masseuse tried to impale you on her fist? A night market of course. In getting there, I used my navigational “skills” to take us on an unguided tour of the city by foot. While on this “tour”, Laura had time to contemplate her life and decided her true calling was not the important work of educating America’s youth, but instead moving to Chiang Mai and writing an unfunded thesis with the current working title of: “Paws for Pad Thai: An insight into the social structure of stray dogs in Chiang Mai”. However, until Chaing Mai gains international notoriety for its stray dogs, its night market remains a draw to the city. This is a market where local tradespeople come to sell their wares. Everything from hand-spun silk scarves and hand carved wood statues to made-in-China trinkets...and food. Lots and lots of food. After witnessing two full block filled with food carts, Laura and I realized that everyone eats street food and as Portlanders we found ourselves right at home and quickly joined in.

At any time of day in Thailand a variety of food is available from foodcarts. Most carts specialized in one of type of food and there seemed to be about six specific foods that were always available. Common choices included: Rotti, a fried crepe filled with some sort of sweet concoction, fruit cut into bite-sized pieces, pad thai, Thai iced tea or Thai Coffee, a range of curries and green papaya salad. We noticed a trend where a family would specialize in one type of food and the parents would work side by side or they would have two carts strategically placed. Being good tourists, we attempted to sample at least one item from each food cart, but with our stomachs groaning, we gave up after about dozen carts. In this venture, we discovered a few truisms about Thai food. Thai people like food either extremely sweet or extremely spicy. At one cart we witnessed Thai Coffee being made with equal parts water and sugar. In regard to the spiciness, the food cart purveyors, quickly taking stock of our whiteness, took pity on us and reduced the heat to accommodate a farang (Thai for foreigner) palate. Also, apparently Pad Thai is a legitimately authentic dish. I had always assumed it was bastardized Thai food but everywhere we went, it was served and eaten by the locals.

After walking through the market and picking up a few gifts (who wants en elephant dung notebook!? It comes with a fancy smell, too!), we decide to continue our evening, and on multiple recommendations, we headed out to the Rooftop Bar. After ascending through three stories of shaky, claustrophobic stairs, being forced to surrender our shoes, and weaving our way past a number of glowing neon THC propaganda murals, we found ourselves perched on a rickety "world famous" balcony overlooking... a two lane surface street. Suitably un-awed by the view, we downed our drink and headed out in search a scene more to our liking. A tuk-tuk ride later, we found ourselves walking into a half full bar, only to be immediately accosted by a number of drunk cricket aficionados.  The very friendly and intoxicated Australians (hope that isn't too redundant) adopted us and upon hearing that we had never seen a cricket match, insisted that we join them for the amateur tournament starting the following day. They also involved us in informal karaoke, by which I mean they started yelling out the words to whatever song happened to be playing and pretending their beer bottle was a microphone.  Unfortunately during this session, Living on a Prayer came on and I was outed for not knowing my 80s classics, when I belted out "Whoa, Liiivvving ooon a Plaaane!".  Despite disrespecting mid-80's rock, we were given shots, schooled at pool, and our company was (still) demanded at the following day’s cricket tournament. 

We kept our promise and met our newfound Austrailian friends the next day. They explained the game of cricket to us which I’ll generously summarize as baseball for people who are too lazy to play baseball.

Diet

Occasionally, I get asked about my diet so I thought I would post it here for your perusal.  I don't always follow it to the letter (read: wine) but such is life. 

What Not to Eat:

No Sugar - This includes but is not limited to corn syrup,  candy, cake, cookies, ice cream, soda (seriously, why am I still listing things). If it is sweet and not whole fruit, it probably shouldn't be eaten.

No Grains, Legumes or Grain Products - Brief list of grains (wheat, flour, corn, oats, rye, brown rice, barley).  Grains and legumes can be eaten if they are properly processed (soaked and fermented), but I am too lazy to do this so I abstain.  Also, a peanut is a legume, not a nut, so those are out too.

No Soy - No soybean oil (it is in everything, mayonnaise, salad dressing, any sort of prepared food, literally everything), no soy beans, no tofu, etc.

No Alcohol - Alcohol likely is not good for optimal health.  Sad but true. 

No Industrial Seed Oils - This includes soybean oil (see above), corn oil, safflower oil, cottonseed oil and the mysteriously named vegetable oil. (what vegetable is this from? Can you think of a vegetable that is oily enough to be made into an oil? Just imagine the amount of heat, pressure, and catalysts needed to get a bottle of vegetable oil from corn.)  Canola oil is the best of the worst bad oils.  Processed food is rife with these oils.  Most salad dressings and mayonnaise are full of these oils.

No Trans Fats - If the ingredient list includes hydrogenated or partially-hydrogenated, it is a trans fat.  These are the worst of the fats and antithetical to health.  Avoid these and the processed foods they come in at all costs.  Seriously, I can't say enough about how bad these are.  Humans were not meant to eat these. 

What to Eat:

Meat - Fish (wild caught is preferable), shell fish, crustaceans, beef (preferably pastured), chicken/duck/turkey/other fowl (again preferably pastured), lamb (preferably pastured), goat (preferably pastured), pork (preferably pastured).  Meat can be eaten in any amount desired.  Pasturing livestock allows the animals to eat what they would naturally.  Cows eat grass.  Chickens eat bugs.  You get the idea.  This is preferable because pastured animals have a higher proportion of fat soluble vitamins, better omega-6 to omega-3 ratio and are generally better for you.  What you eat eats is important. 

Eggs - Again pastured eggs are preferable though omega-3 eggs are a good second option.  The brighter and more orange the yolk, the better the egg is for you.  Color is a strong indicator of the density of fat soluble vitamins.  Eggs can be eaten in any amount desired.  I don’t think twice about sitting down and eating a six egg omelet for dinner. 

Fruit - Whole fruit.  Not fruit in syrup out of a can, not fruit juice (has most of the good stuff taken out), only, “I just picked an apple off that tree” whole fruit.  Also, coconuts. They can be eaten as coconut milk, coconut cream, coconut water and/or dried unsweetened coconut. Zero to three servings of fruit per day is an appropriate amount of fruit for most people.  Coconuts can be eaten in any quantity your body tolerates.  Some people do better with these than others.

Vegetables - Everything not excluded above can be eaten in any amount desired.  Think things young kids traditionally hate to eat - spinach, broccoli, brussel sprouts, etc.

Tubers - Yams, sweet potatoes, potatoes, cassava, and anything else that grows underground that I can't think of.  These can mostly be eaten without restriction though some people will need to limit these to assist in weight loss or insulin sensitivity (pre-diabetics and diabetics). 

Nuts - Almonds, macadamia and walnuts are preferred because of the omega-6 to omega-3 ratio.  Also, it is best if the nuts are roasted prior to eating.  I don't recommend an amount to eat but a handful or two a day works for me and it can be easy to sit down and accidentally eat 500 calories of nuts.  Having said that, 500 calories of nuts is much preferable to 500 calories of ice cream. 

Oils – Eat and cook with only butter (preferably pastured), extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil, lard, and palm oil.  Olive oil should be extra virgin and can be used for low heat cooking but isn't recommended for high heat (frying).  I almost exclusively use pastured butter though occasionally I’ll break out some coconut oil.

Rice - White rice seems to be a wash nutritionally and has little benefit or harm.  It is a cheap source of calories though it adds nothing to the diet. 

Dairy – Tolerance for dairy varies from person to person, likely based on genetic adaptation.  Whole fat, fermented dairy (yogurt & cheese) from pastured cows is the healthiest and best tolerated by most poeple.  Cream is also good.  Less good is whole milk.  Skim should be avoided as removing the fat removes the fat soluble vitamins and makes the milk less nutritious. 

If you want to test your tolerance for dairy or anything else (wheat is another good one to test), try removing it from your diet for a month and looking for any positive adaptations (i.e. - did you lose additional weight, did you feel like you had more energy, did you get sick less, did you have less mucus, etc).

I intended this to be a summary but, obviously, it went longer than I planned.  If, for some reason, this isn’t enough information, give me a call or shoot me an email me.  God knows I love to talk about nutrition.  Hopefully this helps explain why I refer to butter as vitamin sticks and eat my burgers protein style. 

Additional reading:


http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.com/ - An excellent and very detailed discussion of the science behind the above dietary recommendations.  I find this to be the most compelling and well researched blog around.

http://robbwolf.com/ - I really enjoy his podcasts which are a good mix of super nerdy science and practical advice.


http://www.marksdailyapple.com/ -  A classic in the paleo circle.


http://www.garytaubes.com/blog/ - Taubes introduced me to nutrition with his Good Calories, Bad Calories book.  


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBnniua6-oM - Hour and a half lecture by UCSF physician Dr. Lustig on sugar's impact on health.  

*Disclaimer: As you know, I am not a doctor.  This post is not medical advice.  Your health is in your own hands. 

Thai Cooking and Elephant Wrangling

True to form, downtime was not scheduled at any point in our trip and our second day in Thailand began at 9am with a full day cooking class. We were picked up at our guesthouse by the cooking teacher, Vanee, and her husband. They informed us that the other student had canceled and so we were lucky enough to get a private cooking course! We were whisked off to the local market where Vanee patiently answered Joe's typical billion questions and taught us about the intricacies of Thai produce as we bought the ingredients for the day's dishes.

Our class was held at Vanee's house where an open air kitchen with gas cook tops for each student were setup. Our course started with us creating curry paste from scratch. We used a mortal and pestle to grind garlic, peppercorns, chillies and several other ingredients into a crude paste. We then used that paste to make curry, our first dish.  After each making two additional dishes, we got to taste our cooking. We attempted to eat everything we made and then concluded the class my making and trying to eat three more dishes. Hopefully, we will get a chance to sharing our newfound knowledge of Thai cooking with you. Basically, the course taught us that: 1) all Thai dishes use some combination of chillies, garlic, fish sauce, sugar and lime juice, 2) you should always wash your hands after touching chillies, 3) surprisingly Thai food takes about 15 min to make and is surprisingly diverse in flavor despite using the same ingredients in every dish.

After our long day learning to cook we headed off for another massage. For our second round of massages, we decided to go with the Thai Royal massage which is the Thai version of a deep tissue massage. This may or may not have been a mistake as at one point Laura looked over to see the masseuse's fist seemingly embedded in Joe's torso. She then asked him if he felt heat in his back yet. He foolishly answered, "umm, no" and so she told him to take an even deeper breath and then somehow proceeded to sink her fist even deeper into Joe's stomach. When she again inquired if Joe could feel heat in his back, he took the hint and quickly answered that, "yes, yes (he) could feel heat in his back."

We rounded out our evening with a venture out to a jazz club which featured a live jazz band. It was amazing. The music was really good and the club had a nice vibe. Of note was that despite the sign asking customers to not bring their own alcohol, several patrons walked in with a bottle of whiskey (always whiskey, Thais love whiskey), asked for ice, glasses and a mixer, paid a corkage fee and enjoyed their bottle. Apparently, it is quite common to bring your own booze (read: whiskey) to bars and restaurants. 

Day three again started with us being picked up at our guesthouse. This time we rode in the back of a truck to an elephant camp an hour outside of the city. Though many residents have some sort of motor scoots, there is public transportation in Thailand and it comes in one of three forms. The most familiar is a metered taxi. A second is the tuk-tuk, essentially a motor scooter crossed with a tricycle where two people can sit in the back, fares for these are negotiable. The third and cheapest option are trucks with benches affixed to a covered truck bed. These loop around the city and riders hop on and off at their whim.

One thing you should know about Laura, she likes to try to kill Joe off in foreign countries via semi-tamed animal. It happened in Costa Rica, where she insisted that we go on a six hour horseback ride through a mini-monsoon up the side of an active volcano.  Joe hadn't been on a horse in at least a decade but Laura assured him that it was safe. Two things learned on that inaugural husband assassination attempt trip; one, horses don't like thunder and lightning though apparently can slog through a solid 2 feet of mud. Two, horses are herd animals and Laura was almost lost when her horse saw a herd of wild horses, simultaneously heard "Born Free!" song lyrics in its head and tried to bolt to freedom.  Based on our experience in Costa Rica it should have come as no surprise when our Elephant Camp Day nearly turned deadly.

Our day at elephant camp started innocently enough, when we were outfitted in Manhout (Thai elephant trainers) garb which made us look like rice paddy laborers. We were then engaged in a 2 hour Elephant Training Class.  In her classic style, Laura showed up late to class and quickly decided that it wasn't worth her attention. We assumed this lack of focus would not be issue as we didn't think our brief elephant training would convince the 4 ton animal to bow to our commands.  Our elephant guides had different ideas however.

The elephant training included learning to mount and dismount the elephant, commands for go, stop and turning the elephant.  There was even a handout on the special Elephant Language used for giving commands, which Joe kept in his pocket and Laura didn't even realize was handed out. Laura found the whole thing a bit terrifying and may have blacked out the second method of getting on the elephant which included jumping over its head as the elephant bowed down. The photos of Laura attempting this method are as hilarious as you would expect.  Laura certainly did not master any of the commands and so was very, very surprised when they told her she would be be riding an elephant bareback and guiding it to a river with her newly learned elephant training skills. Laura was still so convinced that they would not let a dumb tourist pilot an elephant solo that she didn't even protest when they propped her up in the "driver seat" (right behind the head of the elephant) and plopped Joe helplessly behind her.

Luckily, everything went well on the ride to the river...for the first three steps. It was then that the elephant first decided to go rogue and Joe had flash backs to the Costa Rica husband assassination attempt. Our elephant veered off the well established path and headed towards a steep drop off next to the river.  "Turn, turn!" Joe yelled. "turn the elephant!" as if Laura wasn't aware of the run away elephant they were perched upon. "I don't know how!" Laura replied, "I wasn't paying attention in class...I didn't think we actually needed to learn the commands!" (Awkward pause) "I mean who lets tourists ride elephants on their own!?" Laura and Joe looked helplessly around for their "guide" who, fueled by whiskey, had wandered off to relieve himself. "Oh, my god were going to die via elephant!" Laura shouted, followed by a garbled string of loosely interpreted Elephant Language Commands. Fortunately, elephants have a strong sense of self preservation and are surprisingly sure footed.  The rocky embankment to the river which had looked like sure death was easily navigated by the elephant, with no help from its riders.  However, the issue remained that the elephant had left the trail and was now in a river. Apparently the elephant was hot and to relieve itself of this hardship, it took a trunk full of mud and river water and sprayed itself, Joe and Laura, off with this mud water concoction. At this point our guide, having given up any pretense of actually helping us, had returned to lay in the grass and laugh at us.

We continued on our way with the elephant walking through the river, the guide walking on the path, Joe telling Laura what commands to use and Laura getting everything backwards. If you have ever given Laura directions in a car you are well aware of Laura's left and right confusion. Unfortunately, the elephant was pretty well trained so when Laura told it to turn, even in clearly the wrong direction, it would obey. The elephant was not so well trained though that just yelling words that may or may not have sounded like the actual elephant language commands was effective. It was a long, windy walk through the river. Despite Laura's efforts at husband killing via elephant, we arrived safely at the appointed elephant washing spot and proceeded to clean our elephant and head back to camp - this time with Joe in the drivers seat. We safety returned to camp without any more potential fatal detours.

Update on important matters:

1. Laura still is without tweezer and is near panic. Somehow the world hasn't stopped.

2. Laura is still sick and her voice sounds like she has been smoking a pack a day since birth. Thais are getting concerned she is a ladyboy. Laura is now on antibiotics in a last vain attempt to get better.

3. Most of southern Thailand continues to be flooded. We are headed there this evening for a week of diving. Wish us luck!

Trek to Thailand

25 hours of travel later, we have landed in Bangkok Thailand. One more flight left, and we will be the happy recipients of a much needed shower and an equally needed ten-dollar, 90 minute Thai traveler massage in Chaing Mai.

We have flown in 4 different countries and crossed the international date line. I keep asking, “What day is it? “What day is it?” and I am sure I am annoying Joe but I can't stand not knowing. I gave up on time I don't know how long ago and am now settling for simply knowing what day of the week it is (Thursday!). I feel stoned from too much sudafed, 2 hour naps and mediocre (JS edit: awful) airplane food. I ate beef porriage for breakfast on the plane. It was soupy glass noodles with freeze dried beef cubes. I can only hear out of one ear as I decided a head cold was the perfect accompianment to international travel and obtained one the day we left.

The bangkok airport is beautiful - stark geodesic architechture, white tile floors and modern orange chairs. I have even tried convince myself the birds trapped inside might be happy.

So far, the Thais are lovely. The land of smiles has indeed been such. I tried out my first sa-wa-de-kah (hello) as they examined our shaving cream in immigration and it earned a smile from the airport security guard.

I lost my favorite pair of tweezers to security in Hong Kong and promptly informed Joe I would need a replacement. He faultily assumed I meant when we returned to the US. I meant upon leaving the airport. How Joe manages to fly half way around the world with “breaskfast” in a tupperware and I can't hold onto basic toiletries will always be a mystery to me.

Joe picked up yesterdays newspaper on the way onto the last plane. He unfolded it, “ah, hmm...”-ed a bit, and informed me that we might have a problem. The front page shows a disaster scene from Tuesday's flooding in the gulf of thailand, our second destination. Thousands of toursists are stranded. All flights in and out of the area are cancled. The Thai Navy and the only two military helicopters in Thailand(?- It made it sound that way) are enroute to evacuate people. We are due there next tuesday to complete our Open Water Diver certification, oh my. The storm is expected to move west to the Andaman Sea- which could have been a backup diving site. Well, at least it isn't radioactive?

Ha! As I am writing this joe is using the airport computer for free wi-fi and just read about two magnitude 7 earthquakes that hit Chaing Mai, our current destination, last night...Apparently, Joe and I are just chasing natural disasters around the globe.

A man and his wife/son just offered me a pork bun. I am convinced this is going to be a great trip despite the earthquakes, floods and relentless flights.

Hello and Welcome

Welcome to our blog! We are excited to share our adventures with you. We hope you enjoy reading about our life but if you don't, that's fine too, just don't tell us :)

Love,

Laura and Joe